April 12th, International Day of Pink
“Why International Day of Pink Matters to Me”
Growing up the game of Hockey was my everything… Apparently, I was skating on the ice weeks before I walked on the ground… every winter my family would flood our backyard to make our own rink so we could continue to practice long into the evening. My grandpa had played professionally in the 1930s for the Detroit Red Wings, so we always had hockey legends in the home visiting our family and encouraging us. This included such greats as Rocket Richard, Steve Yzerman, Darryl Sittler and Pat Quinn to name a few. It was an understatement to say Hockey was in our blood.
Some of the things about Hockey I learned quickly included body and stick checks, stick handling, crossover and backward skating and how to pass… but the number one thing I learned was that TEAMWORK in hockey was everything!
And the place where teamwork was most prevalent was in the locker room. There was a different culture to Hockey than any of the other sports I played. In no other team sport was fighting condoned but this was something I excelled at. I played defense and was also an enforcer because I had hit puberty earlier than the other guys in the Under 15 category which meant not many other guys would challenge me. One of the other things that were prevalent in hockey but no other sport – in and out of the locker room – was the casual and rampant usage of sexist, racist and homophobic slurs flung at the competition.
At this age, I didn’t know I was different… I didn’t like girls like the other boys did but I also didn’t know I was into guys… at least not yet… I was a kid and didn’t know much… But what I did know was hockey and I loved the game.
One of the things I also enjoyed was Broadway musicals… you see on the long drives to various arenas and tournaments my grandfather had a huge collection of Broadway classics on cassette tapes. Where other young boys were listening to Metallica, AC-DC and Van Halen – I was singing My Fair Lady and West Side Story. I’m not saying that made me gay, there was just something about that music that spoke to me in a way that James Hetfield never did.
Bottom line I was different than the other boys on my team. To be honest I didn’t even know what a f*ggot was, I just knew that word to be the worst of all insults anyone could hurl at another player on or off the ice.
Well one day, after a game we were in the locker room where one of my teammates yelled f*ggot at me. The others surrounded me and taunted me for being gay because of my love of Broadway show tunes and my voice which was starting to change. The captain of the team came up to me and said something I will never forget.
“If we are ever going to win the championship we first need to beat the gay out of you”
Before I knew it, the other boys were punching and kicking me. Then as a group, they picked me up and hung me from my jersey on a hook in the locker room. My teammates then took turns punching me in the ribs.
Eventually, my weight broke the hook and I fell bruised and battered to the ground, feeling helpless and alone.
After that incident, I quit hockey and withdrew from all other extra-curricular activities at school. I didn’t tell anyone, especially my dad & grandpa for fear they would reject me too as my team did. For the rest of my high school years, I struggled with depression and anxiety and felt I had nowhere to turn. Attending a Catholic school, I didn’t feel safe telling any of the teachers or the nuns and I certainly wasn’t going to tell any of my classmates.
It took years for me to heal from the trauma I experienced in that Locker Room. When I could I moved away from my hometown and started a new life in a different city. Although years later I was able to find a supportive community of friends and started to accept myself for who I am. But since then I have never stepped foot on the ice. That said to this day I am a big supporter and advocate for my nephews and nieces who play hockey and make a point of now watching their live-stream games if I can’t be there in person to cheer them on.
Now, 30 years later, Pink Shirt Day means so much to me. It’s a day that symbolizes acceptance and kindness, something I didn’t experience in high school or in my loved sport of Hockey. Every year, I wear a pink shirt to show my support for 2SLGBTQ+ youth who may be struggling with bullying and discrimination.
I know that my experience in high school was painful and traumatic, but I now use that to fuel my passion for making Hockey a more accepting and inclusive place. To that end I have been recently nominated to join the Board of Directors for BC Hockey with the goal of ensuring Hockey is for Everyone. I believe that everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Pink Shirt Day is a reminder that there is hope for a better future, one where all people can live free from discrimination and violence.
This blog by Matteo Stewart was originally published by Diversio EDU (formerly CCDI Consulting) in April 2023.
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